Online shrines

How the web is helping us deal with death
Online shrines are an increasingly popular way to mourn, finds Ed West

When Tony Blair first promised universal internet access to the nation's youth, he probably did not foresee that so many would use this bright new media forum to mourn the loss of school friends, some of them murdered by other children.
British adolescents, not always the most natural verbal communicators, have found the web to be a helpful tool
But the recent crop of horrific gang-related murders has fuelled an internet phenomenon that looks to be as big in 2007 as social networking websites were in 2006 - online shrines.
Memorial websites have existed in the United States for almost a decade, and have long been used in Israel to honour the victims of terrorism, but in Britain they have only become popular since the recent epidemic of teen-on-teen murders.
And British adolescents, not always the most natural verbal communicators, have found the web to be a helpful tool in coping with their grief.
Adam Regis, Kodjo Yenga and Billy Cox are among the tragically young faces that appear on gonetoosoon.co.uk, a non-profit website set up by Leeds bar owner Terry George.
George had originally built a memorial page in honour of a friend who died in Thailand, but it wasn't until two young men walked into his bar in tears 18 months ago that the idea for the site was really conceived.
They were both clutching an order of service for the funeral of a 20-year-old friend killed by a hit-and-run driver. George offered to set up an online memorial for the young man and the title of the order of service - Gone Too Soon - became its name.
Today, the website has more than 7,800 memorials and receives 350,000 visits a week.
There are pages dedicated to celebrities such as George Best and snooker player Paul Hunter, but the high-profile deaths of ordinary people attract the most condolences; the tribute to Ellie Lawrenson, mauled to death by her uncle's dog in Liverpool, has already received 1,500 messages.
Site manager Nicola Davis has been overwhelmed by the sudden increase in volume. "There's been a snowball effect in recent weeks, and we've had hundreds of messages of thanks from loved ones.
Sometimes we will build a page and contact the family first; sometimes, as in the case of Adam Regis, a friend will set it up." Fifteen-year-old Regis was stabbed to death in Plaistow, East London, in March and his homepage also contains a police appeal for witnesses to the attack, recognition that the internet is now regarded as the most direct way of contacting teenagers.
But as well as shining an uncomfortable light on crime among Britain's youth, the phenomenon also deals with an older British weakness.
"Bereavement in this country is done badly", says Maggie Candy, a registered nurse from Kent and founder of another memorial site alwaysberemembered.co.uk. "But people are quite good with showing emotions on the web, something they wouldn't do in real life."
Candy's quest to give people a platform for their memories was a personal one - 18 months ago her 17-year-old daughter, Stella, took her own life. Candy contacted a web developer to ask about setting up a memorial and discovered that his son had drowned at the age of seven, and that a site would be helpful for him too.
Like Gone Too Soon, their site offers well-wishers the chance to "light" an online candle in memory of the deceased. It's a ritual that echoes the Catholic tradition, but unlike in the US, religion is generally absent from British memorial sites.
"We're a nation of almost atheists," says Candy. "The meaning of religion has declined. When I started nursing, the rabbi and priests were permanently at the hospital, but these days that's very unusual."
British memorial sites are less religious shrines than online support forums, often catering for groups such as the relatives of fallen soldiers, suicides or drink-driving victims.
"Memorials for stillborn babies have become especially popular," says Davis. "People who have lost a child like to contact each other, and they will often leave messages for other sufferers."
Others log on to pay their respects to people they know only from newspaper reports, a trend that illustrates how the British way of dealing with death is changing.
For many visitors it seems to be simply as a way of showing that, despite what the Russian proverb says, the tears of strangers are not just water.