The charity is in the process of doing research into why men don't come to church. These are some of the notes that CVM has added to its questionnaire:
Your men may be embarrassed for their friends to see what they get up to on a Sunday morning instead of, say, playing sport or spending time with the children.
- The image of church is 'women and children' - action songs or kid's plays just emphasise this. The decoration is often very feminine - flowers, embroidered banners,etc etc. The vicar often wears a dress
- Men appreciate 'professionalism'... things done well. For instance, if you use a drama make sure it is good, otherwise men will find it embarrassing
- It can be embarrassing to be next to someone in uninhibited delight of worship, or in tears
- They don't want to feel brainwashed by reciting words that they don't believe
- The language can be offputting, even the word 'love' has undertones of the love of a man for his woman - they'd rather 'admire' or 'respect' another man. Think how they will respond if called to be Jesus's lover, or to be 'intimate' with him. Don't play into Satan's hands by using language that he has corrupted.
Do you cover topics that are relevant to men? Topics that help them survive the rest of the week, at work, at home, whilst travelling?
Men generally want to be good at what they do, and just find it hard to be good at doing church. For instance:
- Will they stand up and sit down in the wrong places? Will someone 'tut-tut' or snigger if they get it wrong?
- Men are not good at singing in public - without a few beers first! Are the songs in the right register and loud and easy to sing? Why not ask the men to tell you which songs help them express their passion for Christ.
- Men can get bored easily, are they expected to sit still and quietly
Women are better at purely social gatherings. The men would rather do something challenging or active together. They find it much easier to get to know someone by working with them, or sharing a challenge than having a coffee time chat.
- Arrange some events that give the men the opportunity of doing stuff together.
- Make them MEN ONLY so that the men don't have the chance of letting the women do all the talking. (And to avoid the men showing off!)
Men generally spend a lot of time at work, and time outside work is precious.
Are the men making the best use of the 'free time' that they have? It's all a question of prioritisation.
- Is the church diary full of evening meetings. Are they necessary? Do they drag on and on, even if the business is finished?
- Does everything in church have to be DIY, or do you pay for caterers, cleaners, decorators?
- Do you leave the men too exhausted to have any social life outside work and church?
Have you considered offering some biblically based time management training?
Many churches worry about making events affordable to all. This often leads to poor quality events that are not really attractive. Why not establish a 'kitty' that allows really good events to be offered at very affordable prices. If you explain this clearly then the better off men will be happy to contribute, and those less well off will be comfortable to come. Everyone will then be comfortable to invite their friends.
Your outreach strategy needs to emphasise the importance of building relationships with our colleagues, neighbours etc.
With the right attitude this can liberate your men to actually live LIFE TO THE FULL! You not only allow, but actively encourage men to have a good time with their friends - playing sports, having a pint, hiking, going to the motor show. It's all evangelism!
Church can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing for men, they can feel as out of place as they would in a ladies underwear shop!
The worst things would be for the husband to be paraded up to a seat at the front. Maybe his wife is proud to show off that he's come, but he will feel like a mongrel on parade at Crufts.
Men don't like to be singled out, NEVER point out newcomers or ask them to stand up.
Are there places in church where the men can 'hide' and watch without feeling they have to join in? If there is a balcony area, this can be a good place to go to observe and not be observed.
Look at the men who come to Christenings. Would you say they feel at home?
- They don't know what they are doing. They don't want to ruin the occasion, so they've put on uncomfortable smart clothes (that's what you wear isn't it) and are just hoping not to make a mess of it.
- They are made to recite words that they don't believe in front of perhaps hundreds of strangers. How can they do that with integrity.
- Look at how many men at Christenings look after the baby. It's takes their attention off the situation and allows them to 'hide' behind the baby's needs. When else would they be the one holding the baby?
Many churches offer a monthly men's breakfast to bring the men together.
This can be valuable, and needs to be MEN ONLY to ensure that the women don't take over the conversations.
However, watch out that the breakfast doesn't become another chore in a busy calender. Keep it lively so that the men look forward to it. Cover topics that really affect men; work, fatherhood, pornography to name but a few.
Look too for other ways of getting the men to spend time together - just having fun and getting to know each other.
Men like competition and challenge.
Try putting on some MEN ONLY events during the year, that give them the opportunity to share a challenge. e.g. climbing Snowdon
Find attractive events that will challenge the men, put them together for a period of time (so they are bound to talk), give them a shared experience to talk about next time they meet.
Good events will give them something to tell their friends about at work on in the pub ... and maybe their friends will want to come next time!
For instance: does the church always need to be decorated with flowers?
Why not ask the men to decorate the church?
- Give them free rein to do what they like!
- Challenge them to do something masculine.
How would it go down to decorate with swords, or pictures of knights, or flaming torches?\
Maybe it's not 'politically correct', but men quite like the attention of women! They also like to be waited on - so long as they are not made to feel guilty.
Instead of having to queue for coffee, why not ask some of the women to go round with trays of coffee and biscuits or chocky bars? Coupled with a charming smile, many men would find that very attractive! (Of course, the men may like to take turns and serve coffee in return.)
Look at the words.....
- 'Jesus, I am so in love with you',
- 'Beautiful one I love, beautiful one I adore'.
Many men wouldn't sing that to their wives, let alone another man
If men can persuade others to try Morris Dancing because they are passionate about it, why can't our men tell others about Jesus?
Do you cater for the masculine spirit?
-Is the environment too feminine? (flowers, lace cloths, quilted tapestries, gentle pink colours...)
-Is the language feminine? (intimacy, sharing, fellowship, love affair...)
Do they have to sit still quietly?
-Does the vicar wear a dress?
- The image of church is 'women and children' - action songs or kid's plays just emphasise this. The decoration is often very feminine - flowers, embroidered banners,etc etc. The vicar often wears a dress
- Men appreciate 'professionalism'... things done well. For instance, if you use a drama make sure it is good, otherwise men will find it embarrassing
- It can be embarrassing to be next to someone in uninhibited delight of worship, or in tears
- They don't want to feel brainwashed by reciting words that they don't believe
- The language can be offputting, even the word 'love' has undertones of the love of a man for his woman - they'd rather 'admire' or 'respect' another man. Think how they will respond if called to be Jesus's lover, or to be 'intimate' with him. Don't play into Satan's hands by using language that he has corrupted.
Do you cover topics that are relevant to men? Topics that help them survive the rest of the week, at work, at home, whilst travelling?
Men generally want to be good at what they do, and just find it hard to be good at doing church. For instance:
- Will they stand up and sit down in the wrong places? Will someone 'tut-tut' or snigger if they get it wrong?
- Men are not good at singing in public - without a few beers first! Are the songs in the right register and loud and easy to sing? Why not ask the men to tell you which songs help them express their passion for Christ.
- Men can get bored easily, are they expected to sit still and quietly
Women are better at purely social gatherings. The men would rather do something challenging or active together. They find it much easier to get to know someone by working with them, or sharing a challenge than having a coffee time chat.
- Arrange some events that give the men the opportunity of doing stuff together.
- Make them MEN ONLY so that the men don't have the chance of letting the women do all the talking. (And to avoid the men showing off!)
Men generally spend a lot of time at work, and time outside work is precious.
Are the men making the best use of the 'free time' that they have? It's all a question of prioritisation.
- Is the church diary full of evening meetings. Are they necessary? Do they drag on and on, even if the business is finished?
- Does everything in church have to be DIY, or do you pay for caterers, cleaners, decorators?
- Do you leave the men too exhausted to have any social life outside work and church?
Have you considered offering some biblically based time management training?
Many churches worry about making events affordable to all. This often leads to poor quality events that are not really attractive. Why not establish a 'kitty' that allows really good events to be offered at very affordable prices. If you explain this clearly then the better off men will be happy to contribute, and those less well off will be comfortable to come. Everyone will then be comfortable to invite their friends.
Your outreach strategy needs to emphasise the importance of building relationships with our colleagues, neighbours etc.
With the right attitude this can liberate your men to actually live LIFE TO THE FULL! You not only allow, but actively encourage men to have a good time with their friends - playing sports, having a pint, hiking, going to the motor show. It's all evangelism!
Church can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing for men, they can feel as out of place as they would in a ladies underwear shop!
The worst things would be for the husband to be paraded up to a seat at the front. Maybe his wife is proud to show off that he's come, but he will feel like a mongrel on parade at Crufts.
Men don't like to be singled out, NEVER point out newcomers or ask them to stand up.
Are there places in church where the men can 'hide' and watch without feeling they have to join in? If there is a balcony area, this can be a good place to go to observe and not be observed.
Look at the men who come to Christenings. Would you say they feel at home?
- They don't know what they are doing. They don't want to ruin the occasion, so they've put on uncomfortable smart clothes (that's what you wear isn't it) and are just hoping not to make a mess of it.
- They are made to recite words that they don't believe in front of perhaps hundreds of strangers. How can they do that with integrity.
- Look at how many men at Christenings look after the baby. It's takes their attention off the situation and allows them to 'hide' behind the baby's needs. When else would they be the one holding the baby?
Many churches offer a monthly men's breakfast to bring the men together.
This can be valuable, and needs to be MEN ONLY to ensure that the women don't take over the conversations.
However, watch out that the breakfast doesn't become another chore in a busy calender. Keep it lively so that the men look forward to it. Cover topics that really affect men; work, fatherhood, pornography to name but a few.
Look too for other ways of getting the men to spend time together - just having fun and getting to know each other.
Men like competition and challenge.
Try putting on some MEN ONLY events during the year, that give them the opportunity to share a challenge. e.g. climbing Snowdon
Find attractive events that will challenge the men, put them together for a period of time (so they are bound to talk), give them a shared experience to talk about next time they meet.
Good events will give them something to tell their friends about at work on in the pub ... and maybe their friends will want to come next time!
For instance: does the church always need to be decorated with flowers?
Why not ask the men to decorate the church?
- Give them free rein to do what they like!
- Challenge them to do something masculine.
How would it go down to decorate with swords, or pictures of knights, or flaming torches?\
Maybe it's not 'politically correct', but men quite like the attention of women! They also like to be waited on - so long as they are not made to feel guilty.
Instead of having to queue for coffee, why not ask some of the women to go round with trays of coffee and biscuits or chocky bars? Coupled with a charming smile, many men would find that very attractive! (Of course, the men may like to take turns and serve coffee in return.)
Look at the words.....
- 'Jesus, I am so in love with you',
- 'Beautiful one I love, beautiful one I adore'.
Many men wouldn't sing that to their wives, let alone another man
If men can persuade others to try Morris Dancing because they are passionate about it, why can't our men tell others about Jesus?
Do you cater for the masculine spirit?
-Is the environment too feminine? (flowers, lace cloths, quilted tapestries, gentle pink colours...)
-Is the language feminine? (intimacy, sharing, fellowship, love affair...)
Do they have to sit still quietly?
-Does the vicar wear a dress?
Honestly, how attractive would your normal service be to a rugged fisherman, like James or John?
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